Notes from the (modern american working) underground

"Stephanie is usually looking for pain. It is the reason for her past five break ups. On the last break up she realized that pain isn't worth it. Although it hurts for the week she feels alone, the week weight weighs more, the week she realizes she stopped waring make up and no one paid her any attention because of it and their shallow subconsciousness, she also realizes that its all made up for when the new guy comes around and she is showered with attention and feels important and not so small. Her pain is now lost and seemed so artificial.
Stephanie tried all the typical, modern advancements in self inflicting pain. She stopped waring her heels the day her pinky toe started to bleed. She has the letters T and L tattooed on her lower back and is to nervous to go get it graded off. Her eyebrows have been bushy ever since plucking them started to make her eyes water. Her nails are only ever clipped and never filed. And she only ever uses moose in her hair because when she used hairspray she forgot and went to run her fingers through her hair pulling a little of it out. The fact is she is desperate for pain, craves it, thinks about it all day, but she is squeamish. Blood makes her faint and being cut, scratched, hit, is all to intense. It happens so fast and leaves so fast. She wants something that sustains, something to last all day and is out of the view of others.
Stephanie bought glasses. Basic black frames that go well with most outfits. The prescription is strong. The thing is she doesn't need glasses, her eye sight is as good as eye sight can be. She spends all day walking around, trying to make out the blurs. She loves the head aches, they start 10 minutes after she puts them on and 3 hours after she takes them off. At work she looks over the rim to her computer screen occasionally trying to do it through the glasses to get back that high. She will sometimes bang into a chair or a railing, and the throbbing will be an added bonus with the migraine. She started to loose interests in what she was doing. She would day dream about the slow, lulling pain. No one noticed her pain, and she loved that. She became disinterested in other people and they slowly began to ignore her. She was left to her self, not alone though, she had her pain, her lull, her reason to repeat. "