Small talk "So those Baers huh?"

M "I hate my face"

J "Why would you say that?"

M "Cause its how I feel"

J "Well that makes me want to cry"

M "Yeah, my face makes me want to cry too"

J "Shut up, you know what I mean"

M "And you know what I meant"

J "Well what makes you hate it? I dont understand. Other people like it, I love it"

M "I dont really believe that. Even if it were true I dont care, it doesnt matter. I know what my face is and I will always obsesse about its monstrous representation of who I am."

J "You are intolerable"

M "Again, I blame my face"

J "Fine, I am leaving you until you like your face."

M "I dont think letting my face push you away will make me like it in anway at anytime."

J "Well I guess you will die alone."

M "I guess."

This songs my best friend

"...I'm so good at condescending
It's so good for my weak ego
Can't get past what comes naturally to me
It comes natural to use
There's a fairness in the city
There's a new smell in the air
Satisfaction promised
But the sentiment ends there
All the Capricorn reactions
In the river up to my knees
A hundred little baby fishes
With baby bottle mouths to feed
Crooners crawl themselves like whores
Across the barroom floor
My mother used to hold me,
I hold her now that she's old
After all it's just a notion
Nothing really in the end
'Til a good one leaves the continent
You just can't write words to send
I guess everything's just perfect
It's all true, what you've been told
Run and tell your good friends that you just got sold"

Dont you love falling back in love? Thats what I did with this song. I would have to say this is the 3rd time we have dated. Its always a short afair, but wild and pasionit with out any ill feelings. Thats why we can always come back to each other, but never stay together.

If you know this song and like it as much as me, well congrats, you are automaticly my best friend.

You havnt slept michael

So people complain and self diagnose all the time.

“I have such trouble sleeping, I really am an insomniac.”
“How many hours did you sleep last night”
“Well I tossed and turned, then slept from 3am to 830am.”

I am very rarely an angry person, but “Fuck you”

Since Monday night (which is my customary no sleep night because it reminds me of problems of last week and the problems to come) to now, Friday afternoon (im at work, seeing vampires) I have slept a total of 3 and half hours.

“Bullshit, you are exaggerating to make us feel bad for you and put us underneath you for you are almighty when it comes to battling the incessant need for sleep. A basic animal necessity”

“I wish it was bullshit. I wish I didn’t have to go threw the tribulations of surpassing my mortal-ness and joining the gods I don’t believe in. For threw my hallucinations (which there have been many) they agree they do not exist, then ask “And you have become us?” Yes, yes I have. I have murdered my friend, dear old sleep, that companion who would relate to me when it was time for me to be put away so I do not surpass myself. For in surpassing yourself you no longer exist. You are but you are not. There is but never will be. My eyes burn from conditions the element torture them with and the colors I see look like fire upon my peers.”

“Ok, you are a little fucked up. Maybe you haven’t had enough sleep lately.”

That’s exactly it. And the scary thing is I have reached a point were sleep is obsolete. I have trained my body and mind to function in this tiresome perpetuation. I told a man the other day he was the sweetest person I have met.
“But you haven’t met me, you’ve only sat done next to me on the bus, that’s not meeting”
“True, but you taste like sugar, find me another as sweet.”

He quickly moved away from me.
I want it to snow. So I can open my eyes and let the snow slowly put out the fire in them. Most animals hibernate in the winter. I walk the earth as corpse. Cold and dead, watching others sleep as I meander.

At least you loose weight when you are to tired to eat.

What dad had to say

"..I cant even say I know what your feeling, because every brake ups different, and every love is different..."

"... If you need a roomate I can come out to chicago for a while.."

"... Braking ups retahded.." (thats "retarded" but with a boston excent)

I need an apt

Jackie and I have broken up.
Trying to move, but have no money.
The winter sure doesnt look sunny.
I guess were not getting a bunny.
Im going to live off bread and honey.
For now my noise is pretty runny.
This ryming seems pretty funny.


but really i need a place to live...

Your pensive.

"I said my pants"

"What?"

"I want you to iron my pants for tomorrow, then set the coffee"

"But I don't drink coffee, at home at least."

"And you dont ware my pants, but your going to iron them?"

"Am I? When did I say I would do that?"

"When I asked you to"

"You never asked, you said "Iron my pants and set the coffee" Thats not really a question is it?"

"Why do you love to argue with me about everything?"

"See thats a question."

"Well? Why the fuck do you hate me?"

"Well thats a different question, that I wont acknowledge. As to your first question, Im just defending myself"

"From what? Am i abusing you? Do I come off that much of a bitch? Fine then, I will just leave you alone and move out, if im that horrendous."

"But then who will iron your pants and set your coffee?"

"Thank you"

"Fuck"

I like your voice (no I hate it) wink

On the bus heading downtown. Im reading the brothers karamazov in the back. Father Zossima is starting to smell bad and this makes and brakes peoples faith in the Starets phenomena.

A man, to my left, is loudly talking on the phone.
"yeah, yeah. I know, thats what I told her." "She is so like that.. thats her problem... I dont have to... "
and so on. I tried to ignore it.
He looked like a smoker(nothing against all smokers). The kind of person who dressed up in a nice business attire (which he was) somehow looks out of place. You see past that tie, light blue button up and leather shoes And what you see is an over sized tshirt supporting shitty american beer, sweat pants cut into shorts, and a dumb expression on his face that says "I just ate chicken wings and now I want to talk to you about Boobs" And yes, he used the word "boobs"

He gets off the phone and screams across me to his friend? Im going to say coworker, because he didn't seem care about what this guy had to say, but had a perfect placid expression on as he stared back at him.

"Can you believe it? She still talks to my friends like they care, or like i am goin to care or something, you know, you know?"

Im about ready to leave so I listen to his babbling and watch him put his phone next to the cigaret carton in his pocket. I told you.

As I slowly stand up
"I mean that bitch, you know, she actually says that im the reason she was anorexic, not because shes messed up in the head"
He points above his ear and makes an indication to his small brain. I kind of hoped he could push hard and make it threw the skull.
"Yea, you know? Like i'm the reason she was anorexic"
I turn fast around and bend down to meet him at eye level.
"You Are"
Turn around and walk away.

Now you know, for the first second he must of thought, "What an asshole. Who is he.. Of course its not my fault"
But threw out the day he will think about the judgment of a stranger. He might even bore someone at work with it, maybe standing outside the office for a cigaret brake.

Eventually he will become agitated and confused. And for at the very least a small instant he will blame himself. And because of that.
I win.

Entertain the sutained thought

My knees hurt
as much as my pulses face
Designating a sound
only audible with one note
All other notes
suffocates before and after

My eyes burn
as much as my knees
As much as
my face, giving up.
I gave up
when my feet touched
The ground
My feet touched the ground.