Bored at work listening to sad songs

In the shadows lips are just lips
Hands to be trusted because, well what else can you trust.
The world outside your shadow wont understand
To be fair, it isn't right just because it feels good.
Isn't that how it always feels.
But this is a thick shadow
And if you spin around enough you dont have to leave
Just dont be suprised when you cant feel any more hands
or lips, left in this cover.
Now it could be lick of light
Or lack of years.
Its a lack of something, thats what we know.
We know, sorry you don't.



So an update. My pinky has healed. I am still living in Alex's living room for now. We are planning on moving out in march. If i cant get alex to do that I am going to have to move out alone.
I wont be seeing Jackie much in the future. She's working way to much, poor thing needs a rest. Shes sad a lot and I feel responsible for it and i dont know if i can shoulder that guilt. She really is one of the most beautiful people I know in any way. We only broke up because of my problems (which were effecting us)

She will be fine though, she is strong and smart. And we will be ok. And I will be ok. I am invincible with a high pain tolerance. This has to be true or i wouldnt be here now.

125$

Thats how much this book is. And I would love it. But being poor I cant afford it at all. Oh well, I will just pine over it.

(ps, wes (the writer and the guy in the corner) visited. It was nice)

Its like being back in chicago

Ive been a real bother to people I dont know very well.
People who showed an interest in me at one point, any point, any interest, I have been randomly contacting.

"Hello, been a while. Want to hang out? Something fun and exciting and out of the ordinary?"
This is followed by suggestions like, a picnic in the cold, a concert or show, or anything like that
"Maybe we could catch up and do something low key. I own a lot of good movies and can cook a mean couscous."
I think the intimacy of this is what scares people off, especially girls.
"Hey come by my work, I will buy you free drinks"
This comes off as desperate, and it is.

People I used to know and enjoyed, are way better then random friends of people I am around lately.

Side note, most people (and only most) that I enjoy in chicago are from other places. Alex is from Texas (and there now) Savannah (who I hung out with the other day but probably wont hang out with me for another 2 months) is from Ohio. Chavez is from Mexico (and sometimes wakes me up with dancing to pop music). Terrtu (who I contact sometimes and very nicely explains she is to busy) is from Estonia. Jackie is from my home town (no shit). Those are the top five people I enjoy and think are great in chicago, and all from other places.

Well, time for my morning harassing of people. Or bad poetry. Probably awful poetry.

Im going to paint this

Sometimes graffiti is cute.

Films and painting

Isnt he cute.

The other day I was feeling a little down and had a little money, so i did something I dont do often and bought an expensive DVD. It as Edvard Munch by Peter Watkins. I have seen it before and loved it but this was the 4 hour special edition.

I watched Once (also good movie) and then Munch and wanted to paint and play guitar at the same time, neither of which i can do.

Oh well, I guess I will just continue to praise the masters. They've got it, why should I try?

Internet has no soul ( for its shoes )

My red has no red
Its only red with a delay of its self
Which is, red of course



Alex got fired from the bar the other day. It was over nothing and he had a small break down and went to Texas for a week or two. Clearing his head, being loved on by his parents, and having sex with old girlfriends. The kind of week week we all need sometimes.

In the mean time I havnt slept more than 4 hours in the past 5 days im guessing. Its looking like a repeat.

Im uncomfortable. To myself, around new people, old people and strangers.

My itch is there but doesn't itch
It only makes me pay attention
Which is, for no reason of course

Undbound and Lubercated

Its early, late, early.
"Are we really going to have this debate? Go to bed"
I cant, thats the point. Im at a weird point right now. No school going on yet. And if i don't figure out paying for last fall and this spring no school at all. Even though i have this last semester left.
I dont work at see3 anymore. Im going to miss it there. They may call me back for freelance work. I am going on a faux date tomorrow with someone who might get me a job somewhere else. They offered to pay since I have no job and am 22 and they are apparently wealthy and 28. Fine with me, im broke. Now if my mom herd about this she would either yell at me or cry. Shes scared of spending money and frightened of people spending money on her.
Well i put film in my grampas camera (this is a pic of it) so im going to walk around and look for places lit up enough for an exposure.

Heres something shitty I wrote in a few seconds.



The enthrallment with words that hurt, and choke
It is evident in my adoration of heroes, that loath
My own words also culprits that epitomize this, and exonerate
Headaches being salvation of overworked lungs, that linger
It belongs to everyone are some thoughts, and aspirations
But what is duplicity with out abomination, that exasperates
No air for these lungs
They keep on breathing
No time for this year
It keeps on passing
No enigmatic precedent, unbound by the persisting annihilation of a declining up that seems to spiral down in the arms of a nothing being
That takes its form in a boy.